World Mental Health Day
A few days ago was World Mental Health Day and it was on my mind through out the day. I remember a few years ago laying in bed at night crying and wondering what was wrong with me. I hadn’t felt like myself in quite some time and I couldn’t pin point exactly why. I texted my friend and said more often than not, things feel incomplete and unfinished in my life. She said she could relate and thought I had depression. Depression I thought to myself? Uh, that couldn’t be right. I had control of myself, I was grateful, I didn’t go without. Mostly I thought to myself there are people really suffering in this world and I know that so why would I take my life for granted? This thought came with preconceived notions depression was only for the weak. In my home and specifically culture, we were accustomed to sweeping things under the rug. We weren’t made to feel comfortable talking openly about our feelings or things that bothered us. I remember a time where the idea of therapy was brought to my mother and she said we didn’t need therapy, we needed to pray and utilize God and his blessings. I had also heard over the years If you were depressed, you were ungrateful. I found in dealing with my mental state that all of that was untrue. Mental health is something that could affect anyone of any race, age, sex at any time of the day. At the time, I was in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere, trying so hard to pursue a goal that seemed to also not be going anywhere, and feeling depleted. I would often have anxiety and panic attacks. I hit a very low point in my life. I didn’t know who I was or what I stood for any longer. There wasn’t a day that went by where I didn’t cry. I had to acknowledge what was happening with me, say it outlaid and go from there. It took a few years for me to get to a point where I slowly started to exercise the power I did have in the situation. I removed toxicity from around me. I took control of my health. And I also learned to stop living in the past. This was a big one. I learned to be more present and appreciate what was in front of me. I started setting intentions and no longer allowing myself to be around things/people that no longer served me. I stopped being afraid to ask for help. I started to consume positive content in the form of music, shows, books and podcasts. I felt things start to turn around. I am no expert but I can only share my experience and how I was able to grasp a better hold on things by changing controllable circumstances from around me. I wish for anyone going through this to know they’re not alone. We are powerful beings and you will feel whole again. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. There is a whole community rooting for you and there will be brighter days again.